Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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