Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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