what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
