you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
