sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
