Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
