I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
