sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
