she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
