I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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