So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
