i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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