WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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