I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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