Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Apparently you make a good broom.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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