I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
