but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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