i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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