I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
