sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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