I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
