When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's blow job season.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
