He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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