I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
