I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is Oprah even human
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize