so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
