i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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