My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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