he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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