last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
