mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
