She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
