So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
