This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
