My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize