Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Randomize