Barsexuality is the new black.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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