this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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