i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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