she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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