this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
