how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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