I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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