She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
