Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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