They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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