your room smells of hookers.
And success
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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