I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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