dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
