She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
