You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
