he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
