eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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