So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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