So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
