I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You have to summon your inner elephant
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
