My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I puked a lego.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize