sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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