YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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