apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
