Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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