Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
