I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
