I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
