Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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