Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
