you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
