All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
