The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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